Therapy for Separation Anxiety
Specialist psychotherapy for children and young people with separation anxiety. Available online in the UK, without the wait.
What is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a condition in which a child or young person experiences intense fear or distress when separated, or faced with the prospect of separation, from a parent or primary caregiver. While some degree of separation anxiety is a completely normal part of early childhood development, for some children and young people the anxiety persists, intensifies, or reappears later in life in a way that significantly disrupts their daily functioning.
Separation anxiety is particularly prevalent in primary school age children, though it can affect teenagers and young adults too. It is characterised not just by distress at the point of separation, but by persistent worry about separation even when the child and caregiver are together. A child with separation anxiety may spend much of their day worrying about what would happen if they found themselves separated from their caregiver.
How Separation Anxiety Presents
Separation anxiety can look very different depending on the age of the child. In younger children it tends to be more visible and immediate, while in teenagers it can be subtler and easier to miss or mistake for something else.
In Younger Children
Younger children with separation anxiety often display distress very openly. Crying, clinging, tantrums and physical complaints such as stomach aches or headaches at the point of separation are common. They may refuse to attend school, struggle to sleep alone, or be unable to stay in a room without a parent present. Nightmares and repeated worries about harm coming to a parent are also common.
In Teenagers
In teenagers, separation anxiety can present quite differently. Rather than visible distress, it may manifest as school refusal, persistent requests to stay home, excessive texting or calling of parents throughout the day, or a reluctance to socialise or stay overnight at friends' houses. It can sometimes be mistaken for depression, social anxiety or general defiance, which is why it often goes unrecognised in older young people.
Is This Just a Phase?
Many parents find themselves wondering whether their child's distress at separation is simply a normal part of development, or something that needs professional attention. It is an important question, and the answer lies largely in the persistence, intensity and impact of the anxiety.
Some degree of separation anxiety is entirely normal and expected in young children. It is a natural part of early development, and most children grow out of it as they build confidence and trust in their environment. However, when separation anxiety persists beyond the age at which it would typically resolve, reappears after a period of being settled, or is so intense that it is disrupting your child's ability to attend school, socialise or function day to day, it has moved beyond a normal developmental phase and is worth taking seriously.
It is also worth noting that separation anxiety can emerge or re-emerge at any age, often triggered by a significant life event such as a house move, a change of school, a bereavement or a period of family stress. In these cases it is not a phase that will simply pass with time, and early support can make a significant difference to how quickly and fully a young person recovers.
The Impact on The Whole Family
Separation anxiety rarely affects only the young person experiencing it. Parents often find themselves adapting their routines, avoiding situations that trigger their child's distress, or providing constant reassurance in an effort to help. While this comes from a place of love and is a completely natural response, it can inadvertently maintain the anxiety over time by confirming to the child that separation is something to be feared.
Siblings can also be affected, as family plans and activities become increasingly shaped around managing the anxiety. Over time this can create significant stress within the family unit, leaving parents feeling helpless, guilty and exhausted.
Separation anxiety is very treatable, and with the right support most young people make significant progress. If any of this sounds familiar, we can help.
Hi, I'm Christina
I have spent over 20 years in child and adolescent mental health, including seven years as a CAMHS therapist where I worked extensively with young people with separation anxiety. I have seen first hand how the right support can make a profound difference.
Hi, I'm Christina
I have spent over 20 years in child and adolescent mental health, including seven years as a CAMHS therapist where I worked extensively with young people with separation anxiety. I have seen first hand how the right support can make a profound difference.
How We Treat Separation Anxiety
At Sulis Therapies, we treat separation anxiety using two evidence-based therapies: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR). CBT is the NICE recommended treatment for separation anxiety, though EMDR may be recommended depending on your child's individual needs.
Following a comprehensive assessment, and in conjunction with discussion with the young person and/or parent/carer(s), we will recommend the approach that is best suited to your child's individual needs, in some cases this may be a combination of both.
CBT for separation anxiety helps young people identify and challenge the thoughts that make separation feel dangerous or unbearable. A central part of the process involves gradual, supported exposure to separation, gently and systematically increasing the amount of time spent apart from a caregiver in a way that builds confidence and reduces fear over time. Young people also develop practical coping strategies to manage the anxiety they feel when separated, reducing their reliance on reassurance and avoidance.
Where separation anxiety has developed following a specific distressing event, such as a bereavement, a period of family upheaval or a traumatic experience, EMDR can be particularly effective. By helping the brain reprocess the memories and experiences that are driving the anxiety, EMDR reduces the emotional intensity associated with separation, allowing the young person to feel safer and more secure without the need to avoid it.
Quick Answers
How do I know if my child needs therapy for separation anxiety?
If your child's distress at separation is affecting their ability to attend school, socialise or take part in everyday activities, therapy is likely to help. Separation anxiety that persists beyond what you would expect for your child's age, or that seems to be getting worse rather than better, is worth taking seriously. You do not need to wait until things reach a crisis point before seeking support.
What ages do you treat?
We work with children and young people up to the age of 26.
How many sessions will my child need?
This depends entirely on your child and the nature of their difficulties. The initial sessions focus on understanding what your child is experiencing and putting together a clear plan for therapy. At that stage we will be able to give you a much clearer idea of how many sessions we feel would be beneficial.
How often will my child need to attend sessions?
We recommend sessions at least once a week for the best results, though we can discuss a more intensive programme if that suits your child's needs. We offer flexible appointments including evenings and weekends to fit around your family's schedule.
How much do sessions cost?
CBT sessions last 60 minutes and cost £85. EMDR sessions last 90 minutes and cost £100. A free initial consultation is available so we can discuss your child's needs before committing to a programme of therapy.
If your child is struggling with separation anxiety, we're here to help. Get in touch today to arrange a free initial consultation and find out how we can support your family.
