Why Does My Child Have Such Low Self-Esteem?

If your child consistently speaks negatively about themselves, dismisses their achievements, or seems unable to believe that they are liked or valued by others, you may be wondering why. It can be painful to watch your child struggle with a negative view of themselves, particularly when you can see clearly how capable and worthy they are.

This post explores why low self-esteem develops in children and young people, what sustains it, and how therapy can help.

What is Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem is a persistent and deeply held negative view of oneself that affects how a young person thinks, feels and behaves. It goes beyond the normal self-doubt that most young people experience from time to time. A young person with low self-esteem typically has an overwhelmingly negative internal narrative, believing they are unlikeable, unintelligent or fundamentally inadequate in ways that feel fixed and unchangeable.

Crucially, low self-esteem is resistant to evidence to the contrary. A genuine compliment is dismissed, an achievement is attributed to luck, and a criticism confirms what they already believed about themselves. This is what distinguishes low self-esteem from normal insecurity.

Why Does Low Self-Esteem Develop?

Low self-esteem rarely has a single cause. It typically develops as a result of a combination of experiences, relationships and circumstances that accumulate over time.

Difficult experiences

Bullying, criticism, rejection or humiliation, whether from peers, family members or figures of authority, can have a profound impact on a developing sense of self. Repeated experiences of feeling different, excluded or not good enough leave a lasting impression.

Social comparison and social media

Young people today are exposed to an unprecedented volume of curated images and highlight reels from their peers. The gap between how others appear to be doing and how a young person feels inside can feel enormous, and chronic social comparison erodes self-esteem over time.

Academic pressure

A young person who struggles academically, or who measures their worth by their performance, can develop a persistently negative view of their abilities that extends to how they see themselves more broadly.

Underlying conditions

Low self-esteem frequently develops alongside or as a result of anxiety, depression, OCD or trauma. In these cases, addressing the underlying condition is an important part of improving self-esteem.

Family environment

A home environment characterised by criticism, high expectations or emotional unavailability can contribute to low self-esteem, even without any deliberate intent to harm.

Why Doesn't it Just Improve on its Own?

Low self-esteem is self-reinforcing. The negative beliefs a young person holds about themselves shape how they interpret experiences, which in turn reinforces the beliefs. A young person who believes they are unlikeable may withdraw from social situations, reducing their opportunities for positive social experiences and confirming their belief that they are not someone others want to spend time with.



Without intervention, this cycle tends to continue and in many cases deepen, particularly during adolescence when identity is being formed and peer relationships become increasingly important.

How Can Therapy Help?

CBT is highly effective for low self-esteem. It helps young people identify and challenge the deeply held negative beliefs they hold about themselves, develop a more balanced and compassionate self-view, and build the confidence to engage more fully with the people and opportunities around them.



Where low self-esteem is rooted in specific painful experiences such as bullying, rejection or trauma, EMDR can also be an effective approach, reducing the emotional impact of those experiences and allowing a more positive sense of self to emerge.

At Sulis Therapies

At Sulis Therapies, we work with children and young people struggling with low self-esteem, using CBT and EMDR delivered online across the UK. Get in touch to arrange a free initial consultation and find out how we can help.